Antithesis
by Psyche Blue
Summary: Mai addresses her husband's lover
1. Chapter 1

I can never be you, Katara. I can never do the things you do. I could never weep so openly, so freely, smile without containment, restriction, wear my emotions blazing across my face like the play of moonlight upon water. I could never give "Impassioned" and "Powerful" speeches about hope, love (and pixie dust). I could never laugh and dance unreservedly, walk without the weight of guilt on my shoulders, wear no mask, let the world see me as I am.

I could never make him love me.

I could never be you, Katara.

I am not you

But let me ask you this…

Could you live like I do, with the glares and hatred of all the people of the world weighing down upon you for crimes long past?

Could you have the strength to slap Zuko and shove him into his bed, when he tries to work for peace yet is too sick to stand?

Could you head a council, run the fire nation while your husband pines away for another woman and busies himself with visiting the countries damaged by the fire nation (his little whore in tow)? Could you lead your country into posterity, bring it into its own little renaissance, whilst your heart was breaking?

Could you forgive your family for letting your nursemaids, when you were but a babe, slap your face and jab pins into your shoulders and lock you under the stairs whenever you misbehaved?

Could you have the strength to hide every emotion in you?

Could you have the determination to train and train and train until you cough up blood and your muscles scream at you to stop, if you knew you were your husband's last line of defence?

Could you bear to sleep in a cold and empty bed, and know that your husband was meeting his lover by the turtle duck pond?

Could you stay strong and proud when your heart was breaking, and the only way to stop the darkness and the guilt and the loneliness was to take your knives and slice away at your own skin, until the screaming in your head drew to a close?

If we traded places, Katara, and you were married to Zuko in my stead, and I was his whore in yours, would you be able to keep on loving him?

I do.

And, you know what, Katara?

I am not you.

And you, you little bitch… you are _nothing_ like me.


	2. Chapter 2

**I originally intended Antithesis to be a one short examining Mai's thoughts and feelings towards Katara - not my own personal opinions, they were intended more as a character study than anything else. I think (at least in my version of events) that she is a deeply damaged person who finds it difficult to love or even know what love is. Therefore a betrayal by Zuko, who she (thinks) she loves hurts her very deeply. I wanted it to be like a monologue, expressing everything she's never said to anyone to the one woman who she hates most in the world. However, I decided to extend the story with having Katara retaliate, resulting in the following. I may continue if people think it could go somewhere. **

* * *

'Mai, I'm sorry that you feel like this. No, please don't turn away from me. Please.

I'm –

You know what, I'm not sorry. I'm angry. I'm deeply angry at the way you have just spoken to me.

Do you think that because I am only a water bender, only a peasant, that you can speak to me like this? I've suffered too – don't you forget it! The fire nation took _everything _from me, and you somehow _dare_ to act as though you are the victim? You say your parents lets your nursemaids mistreat you – at least you had both parents. And it's not as though you were any better than them – the way you let us take your brother!

You say you train until you bleed – well, I'm sure that if, somehow, an assassin manages to get past palace walls, guards and Zuko himself that will be very much appreciated.

And don't forget. I'll be there too.

Did you expect me to cower in shame? To hide my face in blushes? I've made him _happy_. All you ever gave him was guilt.

I spent my guilt on Aang, when I broke his heart, before Toph could heal him. I even spent my guilt on _you_. But if you think that this – this mindless, idiotic confrontation is going to make me leave him – the man I love!

There. I said it. I love him.

I love him even though, if they found out, people would hate me for it. They would view me as wicked – yes, whorish, as you so subtly pointed out. I love him even though I can never really be with him, never be his wife. I love him even though our child will be nothing but a royal bastard, despised and ridiculed, and I will be treated as filth.

I love him even though it breaks my heart.

Why don't you cry? Are you made of stone? For all your words, Mai, you don't really have a heart.

If you did you'd see how unhappy you make him.

Let go of my hand, Fire Lady. Or I will fight again. And I will beat you.

I'm sorry your mind works this way. I'm sorry for the scars on your legs and the memory of needles in your arms. I'm sorry for your loneliness and bleeding mouth.

But I will never be sorry for _him_!'

Katara catches her breath. The other woman is as cold, as still as marble. And the deserted room suddenly seems very far from every other person in this palace. Katara keeps her eyes on the corpse like thing before her, heart beating up in abrupt fear. She begins to back away towards the door.

When it – she – speaks, it is low, grating, bruised and vicious as salt.

'_What _child, Katara?'


	3. Chapter 3

He's going through an appeal from the family of an imprisoned war criminal when the door clatters open. He drops the papers, stands, then staggers back as Mai draws herself up to her full height and spits in his face.

As he reels she slaps him, and her nails score ridges in his face.

'She's _pregnant.'_

'What – Mai, I don't – '

'Your little bitch, Zuko. She's pregnant!' For a moment Mai looks at him with desperate, furious, broken eyes. Then the marble's back and she monotones a sarcastic: 'Congratulations. I suppose you'll be a father after all.' before spinning on her heel with a whirl of red and black robes, and slamming the door shut behind him.

He clutches the wood of his desk.

He's going to be a father.

Katara – Katara –

Mai knows. Katara's pregnant.

No.

He sprints out of the study, almost colliding with a servant.

'Katara – where is she?'

'I'm sorry fire lord, I don't –'

But he's gone again, shouting for her – he last saw her in the garden, maybe she'll-

'I'm here, Zuko.' She stands at the far end of the corridor, and she is ohsobeatiful.

He would have died for her, long ago. He still would.

And he never wanted to hurt Mai, he never wanted to hurt her. But Katara was by his side when he went to the villages, the towns, where they still hated the fire nation. She was the one who spoke for him, for them all, and her eyes shone crystal clear as she helped him find the way to peace.

Mai locked herself away and refused to look upon the people her nation had so wronged. And she would not let him speak of it, and she refused to visit the prison of the boiling rock, and sometimes when he reached out to touch her she shrunk away from him.

And she would roll her eyes and say sarcastic things and for once he was convinced she was lying more than him when she said that she was fine, and he was stupid to worry.

But Katara helped him. Not just with paper work and policy and meetings, but with the people. Helped them trust him. Helped them reconcile.

And when Aang asked her to marry him, it has _him _she came weeping to with guilt, after she broke the Avatar's heart and turned him away.

Zuko remembers how she'd sobbed as he held her. How when she said she was in love with him her voice broke, and she'd looked so sad that he had kissed her fractured words to silence.

And that's how it started.

They thought they'd hidden it so well.

But Mai's mercury eyes, they see everything. A vision sharp and precise as the blades she throws.

So he runs to Katara and holds her in his arms and swears that if his wife so much as scratches her, he will see her burn.

And they stand together.

Then Katara takes his hand, and places it on her slightly swelling stomach – and in this moment tears sting unbidden, and he cannot breathe from it. From the brave grit of her jaw, the tender love in her pure blue irises, and the little life he knows flutters not too far beneath his fingers.

In the shadows, Mai shuts her poisoned eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Mai heads a council with her mind on other things.

It's a rare talent.

All it really requires is that she lend a half ear to what the politicians say, and stays appraisingly, calculatingly silent. But she does not forget any word they speak.

Then when the time come for her to argue against one of them, to support her point, to stand by what she knows to be right, she simply twists and turns and change what they've said, forces their arguments back against them, draws their opponents and even their supports to her side.

Child's play, really.

And that childhood of parents who did not really love her is good for something, isn't it? because somehow this slender slip of a young woman is one of the most effective fire ladies to ever grace the nation of the flame.

So she weaves her political web, and thinks about Zuko.

He is not here – he's hardly ever he. He cannot control his emotions, he gets enraged, lashes out, undermines himself with his childish passions.

Perhaps he is suited to the peasant.

'If we followed your example on all things, Lord Tuli, trading would grind to a halt. It may be difficult to fathom, but to annex ourselves completely would lead to an internal collapse. And I wouldn't be able to get lychees for my fruit tarts. Does anyone else wish to recommend a policy of stagnation and isolation? Good. Next speaker.'

She has not spoken to him in months. Only sat beside him, silent, face as immovable as marble, whilst he fumed with hatred and anger. He still thinks she's going to try to kill the water bender.

Despite herself, she gives an imperceptible wince at the memory of the night he confronted her.

She had been sitting before her mirror, having unwoven her hair from its braids and buns, and was passing an ivory come through the inky, silken, bone straight locks.

He didn't knock at the door.

He was lucky she had dismissed her maids (she had not wanted them to see her cry), because this scene could have ruined him.

She had looked up to see him storm towards her (no knives, now, dressed in a plain black night gown with straps instead of sleeves – besides, she couldn't have used them against him, anyway), barely had time to stand before he had pressed his face against hers, catching her rising hand in his, and pressing the other to her throat.

She had never known terror like that.

Of course, he had his rages. But she thought it had gotten better- and he had never hurt her before. Never even tried.

'If you so much as_ touch_ her, Mai, I swear on my mother's memory that I will end your miserable life.'

'My my, fire lord.' She'd shut away the sudden snap of her already bruised heart, and choked out words as coldly as she could. 'I'm sure she would be so _proud_ to hear you say that.'

He let go of her neck.

'My point stands, Mai.'

'And I acknowledge it, my Lord.'

They stood there for a moment, the children of the fire nation, each of them marred and burned in some way, whether externally or far more deeply.

Her voice shook a little when she spoke again.

'I would ask when exactly you stopped loving me. But I already know.'

A long, drawn out, ache of a moment.

'Get out, Zuko.'

He left.

And now she sits at the head of the council, and manipulates and coaxes, and draws them into siding with her, and agreeing upon strengthening trade and imposes a further tax upon the nobility in order to improve state funded schooling.

From the doorway, Zuko watches her with her darting eyes, and swallows back the guilt that rises when he looks at that elegant neck.

He remembers the bruises his fingertips made. Purple against white.

And the way she did not flinch. And was so brave.

And he was wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

She's waiting for him by the pool of water in her garden, one hand resting on her swelling stomach, the other playing with the water in the air.

She smiles when she sees him, despite the argument they parted on – an argument, of all things, about politics – about what he should do with the fire nation radicals who have taken over a section of the earth kingdom, declaring it an area fit only for the racially pure. She thinks he should take up the earth king's offer and go and live beside the new 'country of flames' and attempt to help broker a peace.

But he does not want to leave her.

Besides, skillful as Mai is, he is not so sure how he feels about leaving his nation to be run by a woman who (surely) hates him.

'Am I forgiven?'

'Not until you kiss me.' So he does. Then he smiles and brushes a lock her chestnut hair behind her ear.

'What have you done so far?'

'I checked up on Suki. She's pregnant – again! I feel as though I've started a trend.' The attempted joke falls a little discordant upon the air, and Zuko grimaces.

'Is your brother still-'

'He'll come around.'

'Maybe I could speak to him.'

'Zuko, honestly, I_ really_ don't think that's a good idea. He wants to forget about…us.'

'That's going to be hard in a few months time.'

'Then let us allow him some peace of mind.'

They go and sit upon a bench, and Katar curls up, placing her head in his lap in a sign of such trust that it makes him smiles.

Mai was never like this. Relaxed for Mai is the equivalent of Katara with her guard up. Of course, she wasn't always like this. But ever since – well. Ever since the boiling rock she has kissed him, hugged him, but never herself seem weak before him.

Not like the beautiful woman in his arms. Nothing like her.

'Everyone will know, when the baby's born.'

A long, stifled silence.

'Why do you say that, Katara?'

'It will have your eyes.' He shuts his eyes and pictures the child. 'My skin. Your hair, maybe. But I think it will be a waterbender. Mother's instinct. But everyone will know – you come here all the time. All those months together, with the avatar. They'll know about us.'

'Let them. Fire lords have had mistresses before.'

Then he realizes that she is crying.

'They will all hate me.' Silent tears trickle from her water coloured eyes.

'Katara – Katara, _look_ at me. No one could hate you. Ever.'

'Mai said they would.'

'Mai knows nothing.'

He kisses her, tastes those salt spangled tears. Draws back his head just as the blade comes spinning through the air.


	6. Chapter 6

He pushes Katara out of the way, and the knife embeds itself into the bench.

All in a frenzied moment he sees her crumple to the ground from the force of his shove, whimpering, sees the masked figure aim another knife – thinks it's Mai – but no, these blades are bigger, it's not his wife but a hired killer – he moves himself in front of Katara, hurls a stream of fire at the attacker, all before they can react, two more, he can see them, strikes up a circle of flames, engulfs them all before they have time to blink – and then – and then –

Just charred corpses. Stinking.

'Zuko.' Katara weeps it. The normally strong woman is clutching at her belly. A light stream of blood trickles to the ground.

He feels sick. Shakes as he picks her up. Carries her inside. Gently lays her down upon a couch.

And screams onto the street for a doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

Mai hates charity.

That probably makes her a bad person.

She wrinkles her nose and shakes the small child off, who has become entranced by the heavy golden embroidery of her robe. The orphanage mistress sniffs her disapproval at Mai's grimace of disgust, and continues to lead the Fire lady to the main office.

Mai has changed from her customary, pragmatic clothes to a dress more befitting a Fire Lady – all ebony silk, gold lotus flowers stitched in a gilded web upon the sleeves, buttons running from the waist to neck.

She hates it.

All of this.

She sits when then reach the office, and burns her mouth upon the offered tea.

'I must say,' the older woman says 'We never expected to see you here.'

'I have sectioned off a measure of the budget to be filtered into philanthropic causes.'

'Well,' the mistress raises her eyes 'that at least seems plausible.' She does not have respect for the cold woman before her – people must earn her respect, not be granted it because they are married to the Fire Lord.

Mai senses this.

'You have never done any charitable deeds before.'

'With my own private finances I have.'

'I have not heard of any particular actions.' Mai looks out of the window, stifles a sigh of boredom – already this woman has made her feel lethargic.

'I do not like to publicize what I choose to spend my money on. I get no particular joy from charitable work.'

'Then why help us now, Lady Mai?' The Fire lady looks her up and down with an appraising eye, and cracks a rare smile across her icy face.

'Perhaps I am bored. Or maybe I _do_ have a concept of right and wrong – I just get no particular joy either way. I will never be a good person – but a suppose I ought to do the right thing. Does that answer your question?'

'Yes, my lady.'

'Good. Now, if you would be so kind as to tell me what annual income would fulfill your needs.'

'In order to pay for food, extend our premises, give healthcare, clothing, a rough estimate would be-'

'I shall give you this.' Mai takes a folded piece of paper from her sleeve and hands it to the orphanage mistress.

The woman's face pales. She looks, uncomprehending, at the (now extremely bored) woman sitting before her.

'This is far too generous-'

'No. It is not. Children need people to look after them. They need games to play. They need books to read. They need sweets on special days. They need birthday presents and trips to other places. When they grow they need funding, to start an independent life. All of this taken into account, I think you will find my estimate is exactly right. If a little sparse. Now if you will excuse me, I must be going.' The Fire Lady sweeps out of the office, leaving in her wake a stunned, silenced woman, and then proceeds to pick her way through the crowd of milling children, rolling her eyes and attempting not to let them touch her. Finally, _finally_, she emerges out of the orphanage, to where her guards should be waiting.

They are not.

Instead, there are soldiers.

'Mai of Omashu, we place you under arrest for treason.'

'Under whose orders?'

'Fire Lord Zuko.'

Ah. Well.

Brilliant.


	8. Chapter 8

She can't – she can't see. It's dark – all red – why is everything red? Red all over her arms, her hands, red everywhere – her belly aches – the baby! The baby. And the garden. And Zuko. And red red red everywhere is red. Claw, scratch, try to find her way out – red sheets, slippery, between her legs, red, curtains hanging around her, the baby, the baby, Zuko, they tried to kill her – or Zuko? She can't breathe.

She can't breathe.

'Katara, Katara it's fine. You're safe.' The curtains part, bright light – those eyes she knows so well. Zuko.

With a stifled whimper she clutches him onto the bed with her, burying her face on his shoulder. After a moment, when the trembling has subsided, she curses her own weakness, and whispers

'Is…is our baby….is it dead?' Her voice breaks over the last word, and she shoves a finger into her mouth, biting down on it to try and stop the moan, the panicked shriek building in her throat.

'Look at me.' She does. That face, lovely for all it's marring, those eyes of yellow gold.

'You're in the palace. I thought it best - the guards, here, are far more effective. The baby is fine.'

Katara lets out her juddering breathe. Then she takes Zuko's hand in hers.

'Who did this?' she hisses.

'We don't know.'

'Who ever it was, I'll kill them. I'll drown them. I'll freeze their blood in their veins – they tried to kill you, Zuko.'

'They tried to kill you.' He wrenches his hand away, stands, starts pacing. 'I'm sure the knife was aimed for you.'

'They tried to kill both of us.' He stops, looks at her.

'Maybe. You need to rest.'

'No! I need to find out who tried to kill the man I love. I can rest later.' She attempts to get up, but her ankles buckle, and Zuko has to sweep forward to catch her. Hold her. Lay her back down onto the bed whilst she slurs her protests.

'I'm strong, Zuko.'

'Sometimes true strength is knowing when to save your energy.'

She scowls at him, but allows him to draw the covers around her.

'Don't shut the curtains. And don't leave me until I go to sleep.'

'I promise.'

She lies with her eyes open, wide and heartbreakingly blue, looking at him as he strokes the hair back on her forehead, clutching his hand in hers. Eventually her eyelids flutter. And eventually she sinks into sleep.

Quietly Zuko places her hand upon the crimson sheets, then goes out of the room. Toph, Suki and Sokka wait outside.

'I want to talk to her.' Sokka demands, so soon as the door is shut.

'She's overwhelmed.'

Sokka looks as though he's about to challenge Zuko, but Suki places her hand on his arm.

'We will look after her, Zuko.'

'Yeah. No one's going to get past _us_.' Toph has enough spirit left to grin a half smile, before turning to Suki. 'Come on. Let's go and wait inside.' Sokka catches his wife's wrist just as she turns to go, and presses a quick, hurried kiss to her cheek.

Toph shifts her feet, and bites her lip.

Then the two women go to their sleeping friend, leaving Sokka to scowl at the Firelord.

'First you make my sister your mistress. Then you almost get her killed.'

'Yes.' Zuko shuts his eyes. 'I know you hate me, now.'

'Well. I hate you a little.' Zuko feels the other man's hand on his shoulder.

'But I know you love her. And I know you would die for her. As she would for you. So I guess I don't hate you completely.' Zuko opens his eyes, meets the blue gaze which so reminds him of Katara's.

'Aang, on the other hand….' Sokka gestured with a nod to a figure, before unseen, standing against the wall. Then he grimaces, almost with sympathy, at Zuko.

'Good luck. I think I'm going to go and make sure the guards are up to scratch.' He leaves.

The hooded man does not look up, as Zuko walks towards him.

'Avatar.' A pause. 'Aang.'

He doesn't know what else to say.

'She didn't tell me it was you.' Aang's voice is almost cold 'All that time ago. I only found out because Toph told me. I'd heard the rumors. I just didn't think…'

Zuko reaches forwards to touch his shoulder. Then thinks again, and draws back his hand.

'Are you and Toph – I heard you were living together.'

'She is my friend, Zuko. My only true friend, I think.'

'I'm your-'

'Please, Fire Lord. Do not lie to me.' Aang turns to face Zuko, standing straight. He is almost as tall as the Firelord, and Zuko thinks, briefly, how powerful this man is. Far more so than him.

He's lost that innocent, joyful smile. His grey eyes seem crumpled, somehow. Bruised.

'Friends do not lie to one another.'

'Katara left you before we…'

'Yes. But you should not have lied.'

The silence is thick. Until Aang breaks it.

'I will defend her. I can give up a few days. You, meanwhile, must find who tried to do this.' Aang walks past him, takes up station outside the chamber.

'And do what?' Zuko asks, despite himself.

Aang does not look at him when he replies, jaw clenched.

'See them burn.'


	9. Chapter 9

'How long has she sat like this?'

'Twenty eight hours.'

'Open the door.'

The cell door creaks open. Mai does not respond.

She is still dressed in her Firelady finery, but it is crumpled from wear, and she's picked the embroidery to pieces, so golden threads trail from her sleeves, leave metallic glints of light when she shifts, slightly.

Her legs are crossed. Her eyes are closed. Her back's against the wall of the cell.

And her fingers twist, and how they twine in that mess of thread, and bits of gold lodge themselves beneath her nails.

'Mai.' The woman does not respond, seemingly intent upon her glittering destruction. Zuko walks closer to her.

There is a bruise, a fleshy flower of a bruise, dark purple and throbbing on her cheek.

'Mai, you will look at me.'

She ignores him.

'I command you to-'

'Oh, well if it's a command then I suppose I ought to.' She lifts up her chin, coldly.

'What do you want?' Twist, twist, twine goes the weaving of light between her fingers. She had bitten her long red nails to pieces.

'Some one attempted to kill Katara.'

'Ah. That would explain why the guard hit me. You know, connection with you aside, they seem to like her. Not so good for me, but I suppose what harms me helps her. And visa versa.'

Zuko narrows his eyes.

'Not this situation.'

'Perhaps.' She pulls her fingers apart, and between them gleams an intricate, looping web of metallic thread. Deconstructed lotus flowers.

'I suppose you think I tried to kill your little bitch, don't you?'

Don't react, don't react! She _wants_ a reaction. Zuko clenches his jaw.

'Zuko.' A languid, bored sigh. 'If I wanted her dead I would have done it myself. Hired killers are so…inelegant. Gauche.' She shrugs the webbing from her fingers, bundles it into a ball and blows it onto the ground.

'Then who, Mai? Who?' For the first time she meets his eyes seriously.

'Give me a day and allow me to meet with whom so ever I please. Then I will tell you. And I would appreciate a bath and a fruit tart before I do so. Diplomatic meetings are best conducted with clean hair and a full stomach.'

'What makes you think you will be more effective than me?'

She looks at him for a moment.

'Pick up that thread.'

'What?'

'I said, pick it up.'

He does so, gritting frustration and confusion.

'Untangle it in two moves.'

'What? Mai, that's impossible.'

She plucks the mess from his hand, still sitting. Looks at it for a moment. Then her bitten nails whip through the thread, and she pulls, and the gold unravels between her hands.

'Contact points, Zuko. Seeing what people think is hidden. Reading people as coldly as equations. Everyone has their breaking point. No one can hide everything, forever. And I have…friends. Or rather, you have friends. I am simple the in between woman. Both behind and in front of you, my Lord.'

She tilts her head to one side, and stands.

She's intelligent. More intelligent than he thought.

'Why are you doing this?'

'The guards said I was arrested for attempting to kill you, too. I do not want you hurt, Zuko.'

'Why?'

'Weakness. And maybe because I still don't hate you. May I go?'

He nods and she walks past him – but she pauses, there in the doorway, that lurid bruise beaten into her cheek. She looks around the cell with something that looks a lot like sadness in her eyes.

'Does it remind you of the boiling rock?' He had not meant to ask it. But she was sent there for him. So he had to, in a way.

'No.' Her voice is distant, her eyes glassy as they flicker around the cell. 'This room is dark. That one was bright, for all they would not let me take the blindfold off. Here I am alone. There, I wasn't. Here, the guards hit me. There….'

For a moment she closes her drowning eyes. Then she slips out of the cell.

The golden thread tangles on the floor. It gleams.


	10. Chapter 10

Through the night, the palace servants give different reports.

Those attending to Master Katara whisper about the Avatar sitting outside her chamber, who takes the drink, the dresses, the basins of water from their hands and inside the bedroom himself. He lets one in – the nurse to check up on her. Katara sits in the window seat, smiles at the nurse – but the two women, the pregnant warrior and the beautiful blind earthbender dart suspicious eyes at the nurse, as she examines the fire lord's mistress.

Katara, she tells the maids, is healthy, kind, gracious, strong and brave. She is oddly perfect, for one whose position should entail repugnance.

The other servants are those outside the offices of the Lady Mai.

They do not see the woman at all. Just the occasional figure, face obscured, exit or enter the door. Unlike the chattering, the occasional laughter, the odd stifled sob, which emerge from Master Katara's chamber, the atmosphere outside the rooms of the Lady Mai is one of oppressive silence.

Morning breaks. Aang, upon Katara's request, sends for breakfast, fresh fruit, tea to be drunk and a bath to be run.

Mai sends for nothing. Another figure enters.

Eventually Katara, supported by Suki and guarded by Toph (who she looks at with gratitude) and Aang (who she looks at with guilt) goes to walk in the garden.

The maid outside the offices of the Lady Mai catches glimpse of the woman when the door opens. Her hair is drawn up in a severe bun, and she's wearing dark red robes. The colour of dried blood.

Mai wrings her hands together, and the maid swears she hears a rasp of steel when the Lady moves her arms.

The door shuts and the masked figure, the most recent of a long line, leaves.

Midday comes. Zuko, exhausted, dines with Katara in his rooms.

Finally, finally, Mai exists the office. Cold, alabaster and proud, she ignores the maid who bows, and goes to find her husband.


	11. Chapter 11

'Zuko – oh.'

'Mai.' Zuko stands hurriedly, but Mai is not looking at him, but rather the woman sitting with him. More than a day of fear and stress, and she is still so lovely it makes Mai seethe. She looks away.

'I wish to speak to you alone.'

Zuko pauses. Can't quite bring himself to send Katara away.

'I'll go. I need to talk to Aang.' She does not bow to the Fire Lady. But Mai does not even look at her.

'I know who tried to kill you.'

'How?'

'I cannot tell you that. I promised my…friends….secrecy.'

'I am your Lord.'

'And I am your wife. Now please. Sit.' He doesn't, so Mai simply rolls her eyes and continues.

'They were assassins.'

'I understood that much.'

'Hired by the "country of flames".' Despite the gravity of the situation Mai scoffs at the title. 'Those racial purist idiots who've taken over a bit of the Earth Kingdom.'

'Yes Mai. I know who they are. But can you prove it?'

'Not without breaking an oath. Besides, it won't do anything. The life of one woman is not enough to go to war over.'

'This woman's is.' Mai winces at that, and Zuko feels an abrupt pang of unwelcome guilt.

'Well, set that frantic heart at ease, Zuko. They weren't after her specifically. Or rather, they wanted to kill both of you. You for making peace. Her for mixing race.' She pauses. 'This is when you say thank you.'

'Thank you.' She nods. Goes to leave.

'Mai!' But she does not turn around.

'What do I do now?'

'Ask Katara.' She spits it, viciously. Then seems to regret the vehemence, because she adds; 'I have reports that many are dissatisfied with conditions in the nation. They want…you, Zuko.'

'You think I should take up the Earth King's offer? Work with them? Show them that they can trust me? Trust the other nations?'

'I don't concern myself with what you choose to do. Just…' She looks at him. She seems more tired than he has ever seen her before.

'Don't die, Zuko. Do that for me.'


	12. Chapter 12

Katara has been speaking to Aang for an hour. It's worse than when she said she could not marry him – because now it's she who cries, not him. And it's him who embraces her, and tells her friendship will always mean a lot to him.

And that she was his first love. But he knows it is time for them to move on.

And that, more than anything, he wants her to be happy. And safe.

'I heard you and Toph were together.' She sniffs away tears – it must be pregnancy, because she didn't used to be this tear prone.

'Why does everyone presume that? We live together, but that doesn't necessarily mean we sleep together.'

'Do you, though?'

'Why? Jealous?' He's teasing her now, and it makes her laugh. Maybe they_ can_ be friends.

'So?'

He shrugs, and throws a pebble into the pond in front of them.

'She's in love with your brother. Did you know that?'

Katara loses breath, for a moment.

'No.'

'I suppose we both had our hearts broken by those water blue eyes, then. And we are lonely, sometimes. And she is strong and bullies me into being strong, too. When I am with her I can feel…happy. Content. I do not love her as I loved you. But her heart's been broken in the same pattern as mine – and with the cracks puts together, it just about makes one whole. Does that answer your question?'

'Yes. I…I am sorry, Aang.'

'Aren't we all?' She smiles. His words are laced with so much accepting regret that it breaks her heart, somewhat. So she kisses his cheek, and stands, and tells him she will make her own way back to her chambers. He insists upon going with her – but she wants to be alone. Please. No one is going to try and kill her in the short space of time between standing here and entering the guard of Suki and Toph, there.

So she walks into the palace, takes a corridor she thinks is the right one, a flight of stairs – and find that she is lost. Desperately so.

And her heart feels heavy, and she is so very tired and – there! That must be the way she's just come – but no, it's not, just another very dark, very black corridor. Turn back, Katara. Turn back.

Footsteps. Behind her.

Her head hurts- she can't think. But they are coming for her – so down the dark passage she goes, squinting her eyes, which are so heavy, swallowing back the rising panic.

Footsteps. Louder. Louder.

Now she's running, running, because she knows she has to, know that there is someone, someone behind her, coming for her, coming to kill her, those men with their blades, coming to kill her and the baby inside her –

A hand on her shoulder.

Katara whips water from the air, prepared to defend herself.

But it's not an assassin with a dagger.

It's a tall, striking woman with a tired mouth and jet black air and somewhat empty eyes.

It's Mai.

The Fire Lady walks her back to her bedroom in silence. But as Katara opens the door she speaks despite herself.

'We're not so very different, are we?'

The other woman does not so much as flinch.

'I mean, we both love Zuko, don't we?'

The Fire Lady does not answer that. Just when Katar thinks she's never going to speak, though, she whispers something that makes Katara's heart buckle.

'One similarity does not make us the same, waterbender. Besides, there is a very important distinction between our love. You, for example, would give your life for him. But I. I already have.'

Then the woman of ivory and shadows turns her back, and walks away.


	13. Chapter 13

Zuko goes to find Mai, when Katara is asleep.

He knocks on her office door.

'Who is it?'

'Your husband.'

'Come in then.'

She's throwing knives at targets on the wall. Each one lands in the center with precise, deadly accuracy, and she keeps up the fluid impalement even after Zuko enters. The windows are open in this room, and the night air outside is cold.

'Do you want me to do something, Zuko?'

'I want to talk to you.' Mai throws the knife in her hand then spins to face Zuko, eyebrows raised.

'Is this still about Katara?'

'No. It's about this.' He holds out the paper for her to take. She reads it in a moment.

'And?'

'And? Why did you do it?'

'So you disapprove?'

'No, I - it was what I would have done. But…'

'But you don't understand why I did?'

He swallows. Mai heaves an exaggerated sigh.

'Why does everyone always assume that just because I'm not all touchy feely I have a heart of stone?'

'Mai – the policy you've been trying to get the nobles to sign – it could change everything. Free healers, doctors, nurses in hospitals around the city.'

'Well, not free. It would mean taxes.'

'Yeah.' They are silent for a bit. Zuko realizes that, despite himself, he's missed this – having conversations with his wife. She's straightforward and cuts to the heart of things, and it's very clear to speak to her.

'Hence the nobles won't sign it. Yet.' She even smiles at him – that ruthful twist of lips which used to make his heart swell. 'But I will find a way.'

She day he married her she wore a lotus flowers in her hair, along side the golden head pieces and crimson ribboning. Her dress was bright red – it drew the eye. It burned. And she was so beautiful.

And he used to love her so much.

'Do you need to go back to Katara, Zuko?'

It's a hint. A hint he is not going to take.

'She said she walked her back to her room.'

'Is that such a surprise?'

'I thought…'

'I would hurt her? That makes sense, considering you locked me in a revolting cell. I do resent, by the way, that I was the first person you thought would have been guilty of such a crime. You should know by now that's not my style.' Then she sits down behind the desk and looks at him, resting her chin on her elegant fingers.

'Zuko. I don't want her dead. I have not wanted her dead in years – and especially not merely because she's pregnant. I'll admit, when I first found out I entertained several vivid fantasies of impaling her with so many knives that she was nothing but a slab of meat. But I am not so very cruel as many would have me. I tried to keep your…indiscretion… a secret. Tried to maintain some vestige of honor. Of pride. But now I expect everyone knows. So now my main objective is, in fact, to prevent you and your mistress from being murdered and to continue to run the nation. Have I made myself completely clear?'

He doesn't say anything for a very long time.

And when he does it's as though he hates himself, for even having to say these words.

'I'm sorry. Mai I'm so, so sorry.' And he kneels down in front of her.

Even now he can't stop the comparison to Katara. Katara would run to him, throw her arms around him, say she forgives him with all her heart and more. Or she should rage, and say sorry isn't enough.

Mai doesn't even move from her chair.

'Pick yourself up, Zuko. We have more important thing to worry about than emotions.'

He stays kneeling.

'I should not have suspected you, Mai. I should not have had you arrested. I…I should not have betrayed you. I'm sorry.'

'Very well. Please stand up.'

'Not until you forgive me.'

'Oh, Zuko. I will never forgive you. But I can put it out of my mind. Now, please, act like a Fire Lord and help me. The Nation of Flames has sent us – you – a letter than needs reading. And we must discuss what to do.'

They work through the night. They turn through paperwork, write letters to diplomats, look through the reports Mai's received from her – well, her spies. They don't speak save for when they have to.

Just before the dawn, Mai turns to him with a crisp clear: 'I think it is time for you to go to bed. You're almost collapsing. I shall clear the papers and lock them away.'

'But Mai-'

'Go, my lord.'

He does.

Mai stacks and files and fastens away the paperwork in a safe.

The sky outside has started to flush – dawn is rolling up the inky blackness. She should probably sleep. She has not slept in…days, maybe, safe for small naps still sitting by the desk.

But she is so afraid of dreaming.

So she pulls the knives out of the wall. And she starts to throw again.

* * *

**Thank you so much to everyone who has been reviewing - this is not the end of the story, btw. I have a rough idea of where I want it to go, but I'm a little stuck for inspiration. If anyone has any ideas, or any constructive crit, I would be really grateful! thank you - Psyche Blue **


	14. Chapter 14

'You should get him to divorce you.'

'Stop doing that with your leg, Ty Lee, it's distracting.' The Koyshi warrior, pouting her pretty mouth, reluctantly curves her leg back to a more human looking position.

'It would have more honour to it.'

'No, it wouldn't Ty Lee. Other Fire Ladies have put up with this before.'

'Yes, but you're _you_. You could just divorce him.'

'What good would that achieve? And that's a letter from the Earth king that you're doing a handstand on, coincidentally.'

Mai grabs the document back and glares at her friend, who is practicing acrobatics on her desk.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Not particularly. Zuko shouldn't have sent for you.'

'Well, technically we're here to protect Katara.'

'The go and protect Katara.'

'But _you're_ my friend.'

'So is she.' Mai goes to take a record scroll from a shelf. She pauses, glances at the ground. 'So were they.'

Ty Lee has the sinking suspicion that Mai isn't talking about her any more. But Mai merely shakes her head and unrolls the scroll.

'What are you doing?'

'I'm tracing the ancestry of the leader of that upstart idiocy of a country.'

'Why?'

'Because he's claiming to be Zuko's second cousin, which gives him the second best claim to the throne, Azula having lost her mind.' Ty Lee can't help at wince at the apathetic way Mai speaks of their former friend.

'I went to visit her, you know.'

'Really? Was she still a psychopath?' Mai raises a mocking eyebrow at her friend, who pouts again.

'Don't be like that.'

'She threw us in jail, Ty Lee.'

'If she hadn't, I wouldn't have met the Koyshi warriors.'

'Well, I had quite a different experience. Now be quiet for a moment.'

The moment passes.

'Damn! He's telling the truth.' Mai shuts the scroll with disgust. Ty lee, though, is chewing on the end of her braid. She's thinking.

'Mai…what did happen to you there?'

Mai shrugs her shoulders and puts the scroll away.

'I told you. A cell all by myself, lit by some kind of light which I never saw because I had a blindfold on. Bright light, though, bright enough that it was difficult to sleep.' Mai stretches. 'She always did like you more than me. No wonder she gave me the horrid cell. Uncle was so very worried for my family's reputation, after I turned traitor. Come on, I need to have lunch.'

'You need to sleep.'

'I hate sleeping.'

'If you don't sleep you'll stop being able to think.'

'I've slept, Ty Lee.'

'A half hour nap doesn't count.' Mai looks as though she's about to protest. 'Go to your Bed, Mai, or I'll paralyze you.' Mai's eyes narrow in disbelief. 'I will. I promise. Now go to bed.'

Eventually Mai lets her friend drag her to her bedroom. She removes her outer robe and dress, slots and slides her knives away, but doesn't change out of the thin undershift. She curls up on the bed.

But she keeps her eyes open.

'Go to sleep, Mai.' The woman bites her lip.

'If I start…if I look as though I want to be woken up, wake me up, ok?'

'Promise.'

Mai shuts her eyes. In what seems like no time at all her chest begins to rise and fall in slumber, and the tense frown between her eyebrows relaxes.

Ty Lee busies herself with looking around the room. It's almost completely bare of all personal touches and twists. There's a generic vase of dried flowers, the fire nations colours on the walls, writing implements on the bureau. The only vaguely individual object is the case of Mai's knives, which sits on a shelf, flanked by various scrolls. Bored, Ty Lee picks up one and unrolls it. Dull. Dull dull dull, all fire nation etiquette. She scans the shelves for something more amusing. Here. She remembers this one – from when they were children. Legends of the fire nation – well, it's more interesting than etiquette.

Ty Lee goes to sit in the window and unwinds the paper. When she does so, three black seeds fall out. She picks them from the floor – and her heart breaks, a little.

Because they're dried apple pips.

Mai seems so small, curled up as she is – all bone pale limbs and lifeless hair.

There is a knock at the door.

'Ty Lee? Ty Lee, it's Suki.' Mai groggily raises her head as Ty Lee bounds across to open the door. In the corridor stand an uncharacteristically panicked, rather pregnant looking Suki and –

Katara.

'The Fire Lord told me to bring her here.'

Mai has already risen to her feet and flicked open the chest of her knives, started to strap them into place.

'There have been sightings. Assassins. The Avatar and Zuko have taken soldiers to go and deal with them – but the Fire Lord told me to bring Katara here.'

The waterbender, her belly grown in the months since she was here last, is not looking at Ty Lee. She is looking past her.

And Mai is staring back.

The two Kyoshi warriors stand guard outside the door while Mai closes the heavy shutters on the windows. Katara stands awkwardly. Her feet hurt.

She looks away when Mai goes to pull on a loose robe over her shift and knive holsters. She still can't banish the thought from her mind that Mai is far too thin – far, far too thin, even with that bulk of concealed weaponry.

For a moment, she thinks of Zuko – but, no, she can't think of him. Can't think of what he's facing – he and Aang and Toph and her brother. She should be with them, she should be helping, she feels so wretched and so useless.

'Sit down. I'm not going to stab you.' Katara sinks into a chair.

After a moment, feeling hopelessness weigh down, she puts her head in her hands and starts to sob.

Mai rolls her eyes, and walks over to the door.

'Ty Lee? Let me out, I need to go and help.'

'Zuko said to keep you and Katara here.'

'Suki,' Mai says through gritted teeth 'I wasn't talking to you. And shouldn't you be somewhere safe? You are _pregnant_ after all.'

'The other Kyoshi warriors are coming to help. I'll leave when they arrive.'

'Ty Lee, let me out.'

'Sorry Mai – I'm not allowed to. Zuko wants you safe.'

'Well maybe I don't want to be safe!' Mai spits it, but this uncharacteristic burst of emotion is lost with the arrival of the other Kyoshi warriors. Mai turns around and sees Katara looking at her intently.

'Yes? Any thing you want to add?'

'Why here? Why this room?' Katara doesn't like it here. It's dark with the windows closed, only one lamp burning, and it is too red and –

Zuko could die.

No! Don't think about that – think of anything but that.

'It's one of the safest rooms in the palace. Only one entrance, walls near impossible to scale, even the windows are protected by trees outside.' Mai recites it routinely. 'It will be perfect for you. Now excuse me, but I need to protect my husband. He is risking his life for you, after all.'

'He's risking his life for his country-'

'If he cared about his country he'd be keeping himself safe. He's fighting to protect you and you know it. Let me out, Ty Lee!'

Katara looks at Mai for a long moment. She's thinking.

'You haven't forgiven him, have you?' Mai doesn't answer, merely pounds against the heavy door. 'You said you forgave your family. But I don't think you have.' Mai hits the door again – but it's a weaker blow. 'I'm sorry.'

Katara didn't mean to say that.

Mai presses herself against the door. She does not turn to look at Katara.

'You told me you weren't.'

'That was before…'

The silence is too long.

'Before what?' Mai hisses.

'Before I realized you still loved him.' At that Mai turns around – but Katara shuts her eyes. She has a lot of words but she does not want to meet her rival's eyes.

'I thought you didn't. He thought you didn't. He said you were distant – and you always seemed it. Even for that brief time when you and I were…acquaintances. You were so cold. So ruthless. Like alabaster. And he said that he tried to make you happy and you weren't and you didn't speak to him and I thought that meant…but you still love him.'

'I told you that.' Mai's voice is hollow.

'I know. I know. But I didn't think you were telling the truth. Or at least…I didn't think you loved him as I did. Until you found me in the corridor. And you didn't try to kill me – I thought you would, if I'm honest. You didn't even call me whore or spit at me. You took me back to my chamber – me! The woman you must hate! You did that for him. So…I'm sorry.'

'Save it.'

Katara opens her eyes. Mai's face is turned away, and that dark veil of hair, loose, now, straight and black as ebony, hides her face. But Katara thinks a tear glimmers for a fraction in the air.

Or is could just be a trick of this weak light.

There is a gasp outside the door. Mai spins, Katara stands, but in a second –

The door burns open -

Katara whips up a stream of water, Mai hurls a frantic slice of steel –

Then both of them fall, darts lodged in their necks.


	15. Chapter 15

Katara raises her head. The world around her is pitch black – she can't see anything. It feels small. Closed in. She can't breathe. He hands are cuffed behind her.

The baby gives a kick –the baby.

The baby.

But – no, it seems to be fine. Not hurt.

Her head aches. She can't think. All her thoughts – tangled up. Twisting.

'Mai? Mai, are you there?'

'I'm here.' The voice comes from a little distance away.

'Where are we?'

'How am I meant to know?'

'Well, sorry I'm sure.' Katara puts her hands against the wall of the cell and heaves herself up. Her head brushes against the ceiling.

They got into the palace. They got past the guards and some of the greatest benders in the world and trained warriors and the Fire Lord and the _Avatar_ of all people…

'It can't be possible.' Katara muses, involuntarily aloud.

'Apparently it is.' She hears the other woman stand then give a gasp.

'Are you alright?'

Mai sits and Katara hears her shifting her weight.

'I think they must have bashed my ankle against something when they carried me out.'

Katara sinks to the ground again and then shifts over to where Mai's voice is coming from. She turns her back to the other woman then feels for her ankle with her bound hands. When Mai gives a small whimper, Katara guesses she's got the right one.

'I'll heal you.'

'You do that.'

'You're being kind of unpleasant, you know.'

Mai doesn't answer. Katara starts to draw water from the air.

She can't.

She tries again.

Still, still, still it doesn't work.

'My bending's gone.' She's surprised at how steady her voice is. 'My bending's gone.' She lets go of Mai's leg.

She has no bending.

'You've been chi blocked, haven't you?'

'It…it doesn't feel like that…how? How could this happen?'

There is a sound from somewhere outside. The cell starts to shift – they are moving up.

'I suppose,' Mai mutters, 'we're about to find out.' The movement stops, and a door starts to open. Katara can see the other woman clearly – she's dressed in that thin underdress again, bare of knives and weaponry. Mai looks back at her.

'Don't tell them anything.' Katara says it desperately.

'I wasn't planning to.' The door opens completely. The light outside seems far too bright. Katara shuts her eyes against it – and finds Mai suddenly pressed to her side, her lips to her ear.

'No matter what happens, don't let them hear you scream.'

'What?'

'They'll want you to. And once you start, they won't want to let you stop.'

Hands on their arms.

Dragging them out.


	16. Chapter 16

The cell is subterranean – buried under the ground. When pulled up to the surface it slots neatly into a gap on the wall surrounding this large courtyard. There are other gaps on either side. Other cells.

Mai observes this all while Katara is still blinking in the light.

They are in a courtyard. The guards are dressed in black and gold.

One steps forwards. Neither the Fire Lady nor the waterbender flinch away – and he smiles in a kind of mockery.

'Good morning.' He is clean shaven, with dark hair slightly greying at the temples, and an ornate golden flame picked out on the front of his armour.

Katara spits at him. He smirks again.

'They said you were spirited.'

Mai isn't looking at him. She's looking at another figure – a female guard standing a small distance away.

'Ah, yes. They said _she_ was spirited and _you_ were clever. I suppose you know who that is?' Mai doesn't answer.

'Who is it?' Katara asks.

'Why, that's the woman who made all this possible. Her and a few of her friends.'

'She's a servant.' Mai states.

'And a sympathizer. Now a member of our pure country.'

Mai looks at him. The man continues pleasantly.

'For all your political trickery, you didn't see this, did you?'

'How did you get past Zuko? How did you get past Aang?' Katara almost shouts the words, anger pulsing through her veins.

'We didn't need to sweetheart. We were already in the palace. We had been for months.'

'The Kyoshi warriors, then.' Katara wants to keep him talking. Maybe he'll let something slip.

Maybe it will put off whatever is about to happen to them.

'Ah. That would be telling, sweetheart.'

'_Stop_ calling me _sweetheart_!'

'Be quite, Katara.' Mai is as stony as ever. The guard – the man – before them smiles at her. Walks closer to her. Brushes a lock of her inky hair from that pale face.

Katara sees Mai flinch away.

Then the man clicks his fingers.

Don't scream. Katara repeats it as a mantra, a prayer.

No matter what happens.

Don't scream.

They hit her twice about the face.

They burn her skin to blisters.

They push her to the ground.

And the worst thing is they don't give a reason.  
But they must want the child alive, because all their harm doesn't go deeper than the skin, leaves her belly intact.

The child saves her.

Mai is not pregnant.

What they do to Mai is worse.


	17. Chapter 17

They are put back into the cell.

Quietly, Mai starts to cry.

Katara listens to the other woman's whimpers. She feels the flesh on her arms – scorched and raw. The bruises on her face – her swollen lip. Her teeth have cut her mouth – it is bleeding.

Moving hurts. But move she does.

She moves to the sobbing woman.

Her hands are tied behind her back. So she does the only thing she can do. She kisses the woman's cheek, lays her head upon her shoulder, and tries to stop her breaking.

After what must be hours, Mai finally speaks.

'He brought me jasmine tea.'

Katara knows who she is talking about.

And she doesn't even feel a flash of jealousy.

'I kissed him, and I hugged him, and he was Fire lord. And it was going to be perfect.

I've always felt sad, sometimes. And it was worse then – after the Boiling Rock. So he would bring me jasmine tea and stroke my hair and read aloud to me and try and make me feed those turtleducks he loves so much.

And I.

I pushed him away.

Everyone wanted me to be perfect. I wanted to be perfect. For him. And weakness is not perfection. And every time he tried to talk to me I could feel myself crumbling. And I couldn't break. Not for him.

Everyone hated me. Everyone outside the firenation. So I couldn't go with him, couldn't bear to walk the streets of the cities my nation had destroyed, couldn't stand looking into their faces.

And I couldn't give him a child. I did everything I could. Until the palace doctors said that I could never have a child. That it was impossible.

I had nightmares. I still do. I never told him about them. I never told him a lot of things.

And you were everything I could never be. Strong without being cold. Open without being weak. Able to move on from your suffering and not be pulled down by it.

Destroyed by it.'

Mai catches her breath oddly – the sentence seems to scrape her throat.

Then she says, quietly, 'He brought me jasmine tea.' She settles into silence.

Katara bites her lip.

'I think they're going to kill us.'

'They won't kill us. They brought us here to prove something - that they are a threat. That they are effective. They distracted the Firelord and Avatar with decoys, then captured his mistress, wife and heir all in a moment.'

There is a pause.

'How did they get past the Kyoshi warriors?'

'I don't know.'

'How did they get us out?'

'I don't know.'

They sit in darkness and ignorance. They sit together, and lean against one another in the blackness.

They find a bucket in a corner of the cell. Food is dropped through a hatch in the ceiling, and water trickled through twice a day. They try to eat, to drink, to function with their hands bound behind their backs. It is almost impossible. Katara's bending does not come back.

The soldiers do not take Katara out again.

The same cannot be said for Mai.


	18. Chapter 18

'I'll give up the throne, then.'

'Fire Lord, you can't-'

'It is not your place to tell me what I can or cannot do!'

Zuko slams his hand against the council table, silencing the twittering politicians. His head hurts. He hasn't been able to sleep.

He turns his back and storms out of the council chamber.

'They're right. You can't abdicate. There's no certainty you would even get Katara and Mai back.'

Zuko gapes at him – at the way the other man speaks so calmly.

'How can you _say_ that?'

'Because the man they would put on the throne is a fanatic. He would destroy everything you have worked so hard to build. It would be like handing the throne over to a far more effective Azula – you would damn your nation.'

Zuko stares for another moment.

'You must not love her, then.' He spits at the Avatar's feet, turns his back – then the other man has caught his arm, turned him around and –

Hit him. Hard. Zuko falls to the floor, clutching his face.

'Do not,' Aang spits 'presume to know how much I love her. I love her enough to know that she would not want the destruction of this nation, of the other nations, for this. I love her enough that just thinking about what they could be doing to her makes me almost unable to stop myself from…but I have control. I have strength. I know what is right and, Zuko, if we let them win, or if we completely destroy them, then there will be no resolution. No peace. And we need peace.'

Blood runs down Zuko's cheek. Aang helps the shaking man up.

'I can't think of what…'

'I know.'

They meet another's eyes – the grey gaze and the gold.

The Kyoshi warriors are still being taken care of. Some of them have died from the poison sliced rapidly into their flesh. Only Suki, gone home due to her pregnancy, has been spared the debilitating drug.

No one knows who did it. How they did it, even.

'The stronghold is too carefully guarded for a rescue. What do we do? If I can't give up my throne, if we can't obliterate them. What do we do?' Zuko asks.

Aang says the word distastefully, as though it makes him sick.

'War.'

When Ty Lee blinks open her eyes, her bed is surrounded by people – Toph, Suki, Sokka and doctors.

They tell her Mai is gone. Ty Lee barely has a moment to choke back guilt and grief before they begin to ask her questions. So she tells them what she knows.

Servants were walking along the corridor, carrying sheets – it seemed odd, when the palace was practically under siege.

They dropped the linen.

They moved faster than should be possible.

Ty Lee tried to scream a warning, but all that she had time to utter was a frantic gasp.

Before the world went black.

'They were too fast. I've never seen anything move that fast. We couldn't – there wasn't time to…who were they? Where have they taken Mai? Where's Mai?'


	19. Chapter 19

Mai is thrown back into the cell. Katara looks up – her arms have gone numb.

'I know how they did it.'

'What?' Katara fells woozy – her bending is still absent, and the baby kicks more and more.

'I know how they got past the warriors. How that fire which burned the door down was so bright. They have this – this thing. In syringes – I saw one man do it now, before they…it's a drug. A drug or a chemical or something – it makes them faster, their bending more powerful.' Katara has never heard the woman this excited about anything. 'That's probably why you can't bend. They probably poisoned you, got something into your blood stream. _That's_ how they caught us.'

Mai catches her breath, seems proud, for a moment, of her observation.

But Katara is thinking.

'They are more powerful than ordinary benders.'

'Yes.'

'So if there is a war…'

They sit in silence.

'We would win. We have the Avatar. We have the support of the Earth Kingdom.'

'But they have who knows how many sympathizers in the Fire Nation.' Mai says, the words hollow.

After a bit Katara goes to sleep. She dreams of Zuko, dreams he kneels beside her, kisses her hair, unfastens her cramped hands and holds her in the heavy darkness.

The guards drop in bread, when it's morning. Katara and Mai find it in the dark, tear hunks off blindly, without use of their bound hands. A pitiful trickle of water, which they must catch open mouthed, joins their meager breakfast.

Then the hatch closes again.

Days go past like this. Katara starts to tell Mai stories, to fill up the silence. She tells her of her time with the Avatar, tells her about the myths of the Water Tribe. She even tells her about her mother.

Mai, still in her low, heavy voice, recounts legends of the Fire Nation. Then she tells Katara about her travels with Azula. Katara laughs and Mai smirks when their stories overlap.

'Ty Lee really fancied your brother.'

'Ty Lee and every girl who met him!'

'Any idea why?'

'Complete mystery.'

The baby kicks, and Katara get Mai to lean against her stomach, so she can feel it wiggling.

It is not a usual type of friendship. It is too rapid, too desperate. They are drowning and clinging to one another and so they have to be friends.

There is a man, somewhere, who they love. Who they cannot live without.

But here there is the darkness and the baby and one another's voices. Katara is spirited and Mai is sarcastic, Katara is kind and Mai is loyal, Katara believes in ideals and Mai in duty.

Katara trusts Mai, oddly enough, because in the dark there is one voice murmuring comfort while she's sick, one presence beside her when she cries, one person with her in all these shadows.

She trusts her, for a time.

And later, after it happens, Katara sits alone in her cell, thinking just how wrong she was.


	20. Chapter 20

The odd friendship is ended brutally, seemingly without forewarning.

The cage has been hitched up to above the ground, and Katara sits, waiting for Mai. Her belly is very large, now – it will only be a month or two, she thinks (but she is trying, trying so very hard, to put that thought from her panicking mind). She shuts her eyes against the light, hears Mai get thrown back in. The door slams, and they are left in their accustomed darkness.

Mai is very quiet.

'Mai?'

'Don't speak to me.'

The cell starts to jolt downwards.

'What? Mai, what do you-'

'I said don't speak to me you little whore!'

The cell stops its descent.

Katara tries to inch towards Mai in the darkness, but hears the other woman away, rapidly scuttling.

'Mai, what's got into you?'

A low, bitter laugh grates.

'I can't believe I let myself forget, Katara.'

'Forget what?'

'Forget what you did to me!' Katara feels winded. Silenced from shock.

'They told me. They told me that he's declared war. But not for my sake. For the sake of his _heir_. And therefore you! He doesn't love me! You stole him – you took him away from me, gave him his precious child you little slut!'

'Don't speak that way about me! It's not as though you were a decent wife!'

'Oh. Well. So that's how it is?' Her voice is tilting, mocking, and Katara realizes that this is it. They've broken her.

'You and that child in you. Everything I could never have – everything I could never be! Well. If I can't give him as child – neither can you!' Katar throws herself out of the way as the woman slams into the wall. Desperately desperately – the woman's mad, she's insane, frenzied in the darkness, she'll beat this baby to death if she can – Katara kicks her away, and hears the other woman's head cracks against the wall. And then Mai's screaming – screaming loudly, frenzied, 'I'll tell you everything! I'll tell you everything you want!' and now it's Katara's turn to launch herself as the bitch, try and make her silence, make her shut that scowling mouth – and if only she had free hands and her bending back, she would kill this – this animal, she would kill her without even a thought –

A blow, a bite, a kick, a race of pain – and light.

And the screaming woman dragged into the light.

And Katara is alone again.


	21. Chapter 21

The Commander notes the woman is standing very still. She has those striking, silver golden eyes tightly shut, and holds her bone thin form completely straight. Even now, starved and filthy, grasping her hands together and massaging her wrists, mad with freedom, there is something…arresting about her.

Perhaps, he thinks to himself, it's that pure race. That blood of a noble family. Pure Fire Nation – uncontaminated with the filthy taint of any other race.

She stands in the middle of the throne room, where she had been brought. Her dress is in tatters – and her ivory skin shows through.

'Lady Mai.' She opens her eyes.

'You.'

'My Lady.' He nods.

'You're the man who spoke to us. When we were taken from the cell. _You're_ the High Commander?' He walks closer to her – and despite the broken leg, the bruises and the scars, she does not flinch away.

'I thought it would be best to be the first to officially welcome you.'

'Then or now?'

'Why not both? I have practice at the role.'

'It seems a little unoriginal.' He smiles at that, and the way she raises her eyebrows. Challenging him.

Just three hours before she was dragged from the cell, screaming, hysterical, and telling them every possible secret they could want to know. The weakest defenses of the city walls. The traders who are spies for the highest bidder. The secret passages of the palace, and every possible weakness, every possible vulnerability, of the great Fire Lord Zuko.

'I prefer the term perfected.' Then she smiles, too. It changes the face – it makes her seem, somehow, dangerous.

He likes it.

'So what am I to call you, O so very practiced welcome of strangers (although I hasten to add I hope this greeting bodes better than the last.'

'I do not have a name that people use, any more. I am a military man for a military nation, with the sacred duty of reclaiming the Fire Nation for the racially pure and forcing the other races back into their appropriate places. I am simply the Commander.'

She bows to him then, and her loose, waist length hair sweeps in front of her shoulders.

'And now, on behalf of the Country of Flames, I thank you for the services rendered. You have been…most helpful. We are indebted to you.'

'Does that mean you owe me something, then?' He's surprised at that – she should be sobbing gratitude that he will not have her tortured once again. He walks even closer to her, until he's barely a hairs breadth distance from the perfection of her mangled face.

She could be very beautiful.

'What do you want?'

'The Waterbender. What fate awaits her?'

'We cannot kill her. Yet. Until we have beaten Zuko to the ground and can kill her in front of him.'

'Very well.' She meets his eyes gaze for gaze – there is steel in her irises and in her smiling mouth. Slowly she starts to walk around the commander.

It's a kind of game. A kind of gamble.

And she intends to win.

'I have spent the past few months locked up in a cell with a woman I despise. I have been tortured, humiliated and wrecked in various ways. So I have a question. I know how you got past the Kyoshi warriors. But how did you get us out of the palace?'

'My soldiers put you in a cart and covered it with blankets and said they were bringing supplies for the troops. The guards were searching everything that went in – not out.'

Mai pauses behind him.

'Stupid fools.' She circles to face him once again.

'And now a request.'

The High Commander raises one eyebrow. The woman is starved skeletal, and hardly capable of walking. Her eyes are weak, she shakes as she stands, her pearly skin is marred with red cuts and purple bruises. But still she lifts her chin and meets his eye.

He looks at her for a moment. Her tilting mouth, her darting eyes, the nervous trembling in her newly freed, much abused hands.

'What do you want, Lady?'

'My husband betrayed me for a Water Tribe bitch and their contaminated offspring. He threw me in prison. He ignored the fact that I had given up everything I had to help him. I devoted my life to him. He threw me in prison and put his hands around my throat and said that if I harmed his whore he would have me killed. I suffered for him – chose him over my friend. Was put in a cell for him, long ago, before now where…there were unspeakable things. Everything I have given up for him has been met with betrayal. So. I want revenge.'

'I think you've told us more than enough to have revenge.'

'Then I want power again. And the same level of power I had before.'

The High Commander narrows his eyes. She is not – surely…

'Are you suggesting…?'

'Am I so unattractive? My bloodline is flawless, I am well versed in every aspect of Fire Nation tradition, I am a shrewd politician and a very effective fighter. This would be your chance to humiliate the Fire Lord, the man who betrayed his country, his ancestors and his race.

And, most importantly.

I hate Zuko more than you can possibly imagine.'


	22. Chapter 22

The bride and groom are dressed in black and gold, the colours of this new nation. He still wears his armour, prepared for the war they long for even at his wedding. She is dressed in a clinging gown of ebony silk, the high collar edged with gold around her long neck, the sleeves tight, the train behind long and loose and embroidered with a bonfire of golden flames.

In front of the Nation of Flames, Zuko's wife renounces him, and vows to serve this nation until her dying breathe.

No crown, no royal title for this war bred nation. They name her Lady General, and her and her new husband stand and face their people, as the crowd erupts into chanting. They beat the ground with their feet, they cry a battle hym, they chant: long live the flame, for the High Commander and Lady General.

Mai's lips are painted scarlet. She smiles.

And for her wedding present, she asks for Katara to be dragged from the cage. The woman is thrown before Mai's feet. Before the crowd of her New Nation, the Lady General walks to the Water Bender, and spits on her sobbing form.

The crowd roars its approval, its hatred for the Water Tribe scum.

Katara keeps her eyes closed, her hands over her belly, as she is dragged back to the dark.

Zuko hears the news of his wife's wedding.

He looks as though he has lost something of himself.

But there is no time for any longing, any anger, any regret.

There is a war to be fought.


	23. Chapter 23

'The assassins almost killed him.'

'But they didn't, did they husband?'

'No.'

Mai sighs and throws herself back onto the bed. The High Commander watches his wife of three weeks shut her eyes and breathe deeply, as though attempting to control her rage.

'That was the nearest passage to Zuko's chambers. They could have succeeded – should have succeeded. And should not have run weeping back to us.'

'Two didn't.'

'It would have been more honorable for this one to die trying like the other two than fail.' She spits – how angry she is. How fierce. He walks over to her and strokes back the silky hair from her forehead.

He will have the failed assassin killed. She is right – such failures should not go unpunished. Especially since the information she told them could have led to Zuko's death – the assassins killed his guards without a sound. But the man himself sleeps so quietly, it transpires, that he woke and killed the assassins before they could fulfill their task.

'How are the troops?' She asks, anger fading.

'We go to war one week's time.'

'A week! You will be massacred – they have the Avatar-'

He slams his palm roughly over her mouth.

'Trust me, wife. We shall raze their cities to the ground, and hang the Avatar and cut him into pieces, to show he can die just as other men.' He takes the hand away.

'And how will you transport your men to the fire nation?'

'We do not have to. Our spies say that in a week Zuko plans to come to us. Join with the Earth Kingdom. But we shall march to meet his army before it can swell with the barbarian nation's animal men, and we shall slaughter them.'

She looks at him for a moment. Then throws back her head, laughs, and pulls him with her onto the bed, silencing his mouth with an almost violent kiss.


	24. Chapter 24

That night, the Lady General leaves her husband sleeping, and asks to be taken to the court physician.

And she explains to him, in his office, a dilemma.

'I had presumed, sir, that the reason I could not conceive was the fault of my husband's…weakness. However, I am afraid that the fault lay also with me. In the past…I have reason to believe that the…I have been damaged, sir, to the point where I may not be able to bear children. Is there anything that can be done?'

'Lady, I shall do my best. Our sciences go beyond those of the Fire Nation.'

'Can you help me?'

The old man looks at the proud young woman before him. She would make a good mother for this Country's heir – pure blooded and ruthless.

'Come with me.'

He takes her with him, down corridors and stairs, through a labyrinth of tunnels, into the subterranean intricacies of this palace, built by Earth Benders before the Nation of Flames took it for their own.

He takes her to the laboratories, buried far below.

There are no guards – none are needed. Few know the way and one false step on that labyrinth leads to instant death – there are pits in every false turning underneath false floors.

They enter the laboratories.

The nucleus of the Country of Flames.

He lights the torches in the walls with Fire Bending, illuminating the source of all their power.

The Lady General walks along the tabletops of chemicals with a hungry gleam in her eye, whilst the physician goes to the medical drugs.

Mai taps her fingers to the glass of the bottles – sees the diamond liquid bubble within.

'Is it safe? To have all of these chemicals together?'

'As long as those on different tables are not mixed. Especially the middle table – combined with any other chemical, those will create an explosion of unprecedented scale.' The Lady withdraws from the chemicals hurriedly.

'I think I shall have to avoid them in future.' She smiles at the doctor and he smiles back. Then he holds out a glass of water, and drops two pills into it.

'This,' he says as the water fizzes 'should aid your chances of becoming pregnant. I cannot mend any physical damage, but I can encourage your body to…work around it.' The Lady takes the glass, gulps it greedily. The man fells a moment of sympathy for her – despite the beautiful dress, the healing scars, her cheeks are drawn with worry, and she has picked the right sleeve of her dark red dress to pieces – the thread is long, trails almost to the floor.

She smiles as she hands him back the glass.

'Thank you. It is my dearest wish to give my husband a son.'

'I understand.'

'I feel I will not be worthy if I do not.'

He nods in understanding, and puts several more of the pills into a bag, which he carries with him as they walk out of the laboratory.

When they emerge into the palace, he sees that the woman following behind him has unpicked even more of her sleeve, and bitten her lower lip to bits.

'Do not worry so, child. If you cannot provide a son, the High Commander will take a concubine. No matter what happens, all you have to do is support him.'

'That, at least, I will not fail at.' She looks down as she says that, then behind to the entrance to the underground network of tunnels.

'Should I lock the door?'

'No lock is needed. Those who we do not want dead know enough not to enter. Traitors who go in will take an imperfect step, and fall into the chasms below.'

She shuts it, instead, bows respectfully to him, then hurries back to her husband's bed.


	25. Chapter 25

There is a Fire Lord readying his army for war.

There is a Commander and his wife seeing to their troops.

There is a woman, almost dead with despair, lying with her hands bound behind her back, praying that she will be saved before this baby is born.

A week goes past.

The army lands.

The High Commander has one last night with his wife, as his troops march forwards without him.

Katara sits in the darkness.

And the world holds its breath.


	26. Chapter 26

She cannot remember when she last ate. Her head – hurts. So much darkness. Why is her mouth so heavy? It's filled with stones, that's why. The silence stops her breathing. And the black – so thick.

Zuko? He's not here. No Sokka, Aang, Toph, Suki – they aren't here. They've left her here to die.

She wants her mother.

She hurts – every bit of her hurts. She can't stop the tears. And she doesn't have her bending – they took that away.

They took everything away.

She 's so tired – too tired to be angry, even.

Too tired.

A creak. The cage rises.

It is dark outside. It does not hurt her eyes, but still she turns away. She will not speak. She has comfort in silence. She turns to face the wall.

Someone – behind her. Touching her hands – and –

Cutting the ropes away.

With a little whimper, Katara flexes her wrists, feels her hands, moves her arms and almost weeps from the joy of it. She looks up into the face of her captor.

It's one of the guards.

'Shh. Don't speak.' The woman whispers. Then she takes a rope and blindfold out of a sack she carries. Katara moans, turns away. She doesn't fight as the woman ties up her hands – in front of her, this time, and blindfolds her.

'Keep your head down.' She says.

Katara obeys. She's too tired to fight.

She follows the woman. There is ground –so much ground. It takes such as effort to move, to stretch her legs, to push forwards. She's too weak to do this.

'Who's that?'

'Solider Ira, sir.'

'You have a prisoner with you?'

'A maid, sir, caught fornicating with a man of the earth kingdom months ago. Do you remember?'

'No. She pregnant, though.'

'I have order to take her to the village and kill her, leaving her fresh body for them to find.'

The man steps closer. Katara keep her head lowered.

'Her skin's dark.'

'Must be the night, sir.'

'She's no fire nation-' The man gives a grunt. There is a slicker of steel being pulled out of flesh.

'Run, now! Quickly!'

Katara obeys, letting the woman guide her. She stops when she stops, runs when the woman runs, follows unseeing.

The blindfold is sticky with sweat. She can barely stand. She's shaking with fear and exhaustion.

The baby keeps on kicking.

And then the stone and dust of the palace turns to earth. Her hands are cut free - the blindfold is removed.

They are in a forest.

The woman takes off her helmet and kneels before Katara.

'Who sent you?' Katara whispers – the words hurt her dry throat. It is too dark – it is hard to see. She's going to faint.

No. No. She will not faint.

The woman lifts up her head.

'I am a spy. I have been in the Flame Country's court since it first developed. I am sorry I could not save you sooner – but this night, when the troops were freshly departed, is the weakest that the palace has ever been.'

'But who _sent_ you?' Katara almost screams from frustration – she can't stand. She can't.

The woman meets her eyes.

'Lady Mai.'

'No – no, that's not possible. She – she-'

'Is a politician to the last, my Lady. She is going to win Lord Zuko this war.'

'I can help her, then. Tell me what to do.'

'Look at the sky between the trees.' Katara does – the stars are so bright they cut the iris. 'That bright star is in the south. Follow it. It will take you to the battle field. You must find Zuko.'

'But I-'

'Cannot Water Bend. Cannot stand. You must save yourself.'

Katara bites her lip.

'Will I never bend again?'

'The drugs they used were too powerful. Like…an irreversible chi block. I am sorry.'

'Mai – Mai betrayed me.'

'She saved you.'

'They why didn't she tell me!'

'I expect she thought you could not run the risk. Now I must go back – there will be a fight this night, and I may be needed.'

Katara wants to beg the woman not the leave her. But instead she nods, and watches Ira walk away.

Then she turns to face the star.

Barely able to stand, each step stabbing into her bones, head aching, Katara walks. The moon blinks open in the sky. It is full.


	27. Chapter 27

The guards outside the bedchamber turn, surprised as the Lady General Exists.

'Please – do not wake him.'

'What do you want, Lady?'

'I must see the physician. I have…woman's troubles I need his help with. The pills he gave me are not working as they should.' They nod their allowance – after tomorrow, after all, she will be regent in her husband's stead. They let her walk.

Mai reaches the end of the corridor.

She walks sedately, calmly, until she is out of earshot.

Then she breaks into a run.

She remembers the way – oh yes. The way to the maze of tunnels leading to the laboratories. She reaches them without difficultly, opens the door – then kneels before it. Feels with her fingers to try and find the thread she had unraveled, last time she was here, and left making a way to the center.

Her fingers brush against it.

She crawls forwards, unwilling to pick it up and risk disrupting it, finds her way in the darkness.

Goes towards this burning country's heart.


	28. Chapter 28

She stands in the laboratory.

Last time she was here she saw a safe.

She cannot Fire Bend. She must do this blind. She walks along the outside of the room, tracing the wall with her fingers to find her way to the safe.

She does not have the key.

But she takes from within her robe a thin, strong knife, and clicks and turns it until the door flicks open. She reaches inside. Papers. Papers, if she is not mistaken, of the formulas and instructions to create these chemicals, these drugs, which give men inhuman reflexes, which make bending for more powerful than it should be – which could, potentially, win this nation a war.

She cannot take them with her. So she scatters them around the room, out of the protection of the safe.

She does not want to take chances.

One table. Two tables. Here. The middle table, and it's awful fruit. She picks up a vial at random, the first she feels. Then she reaches for the other table. A bottle.

She pours the liquid in.

At this moment she expects to die, but, instead, a slight glow illuminates the room – the mixture pale green, glowing.

Light. She can work with this.

So she reaches for more vials, mixes each and every one, expects death each time – but instead just hissing, sputtering bursts of light, or else coloured glowing liquids.

The green grow brighter.

So. The change is not immediate. But it will come.

Perhaps she will live to see him after all.

Mai runs from the room, back into the tunnels, feels for the string once again, and follows it out.

The guards enter the chamber when they hear a thud.

The High Commander has rolled from the bed, lies on the floor. They run to him, turn him over.

His throat has been cut.


	29. Chapter 29

Mai emerges from the maze to find Ira waiting outside.

'You should be with Katara.'

'I am your spy. My loyalty is to you. And a good thing, too – they've found your husband, Lady. Time to run.'

They do. They run – to the servant's quarters, out the door, to the palace walls.

A bell tolls out the alarm.

Ira melts the metal gate, flames licking her fingertips – out! Out they run.

Mai's breath catches in her throat. Rips the lining.

Cries – arrows.

'Run, Lady!' Screams Ira.

Mai runs. They both run, almost at the forest when Ira falls. Mai turns back – but she sees in a glance that the woman is dead.

And she runs onwards, for all she can hear dogs behind her, knows what soldiers they do have will soon be coming for her –

There is an explosion. For away as she is, it sets Mai's ears echoing. The light blinds her momentarily.

She falls behind a tree, caught in a storm of burning light.

When it subsides she cannot hear. But she turns – the trees around her are burning. The ground is hot. Her ears are ringing.

She looks through the trees.

The palace has been reduced to rubble. The city behind it – the new, racially pure city – she can see houses burning, there, in the distance.

She can almost hear their screams.

But this is a war.

She pulls herself to her feet.

And she heads south.


	30. Chapter 30

Katara sinks to the ground, clutching her head.

She can't go on.

She can't go on.

She starts to cry.

Doesn't hear the men until they're close enough to see her.

'Hey! Hey – it's that Water Tribe bitch.' She pulls herself to her feet – gives a cry. This hurts, too. Three men stand a little distance away, arrows trained on her – they wear the armor of the Country of Flames, and mongoose dragons crouch beside them.

She raises her eyes to the sky.

They will take her back.

They are laughing as they come for her.

They will take her back.

'She's a pretty thing, isn't she?'

They will hurt her.

'Maybe we could have some fun – now I'm sure that wouldn't hurt the baby.'

They will kill her child.

She cannot stop them.

One of them comes too close – she can smell his breath. He touches her cheek.

She feels sick.

'Though, considering the father's dead, maybe there's no reason to keep either of them alive, any more.'

And that.

That phrase.

If he hadn't said that, he would have lived.

The moon is full.

Katara can feel the drug in her system now – it pulls at her.

But the moon pulls stronger.

No one should be able to break through the chemical chi block in her blood. But. She is not just anyone.

With a cry she kicks the man away.

And then. With a thought. A clutch of her fists. A grit of teeth.

She feels the blood throbbing, pounding, beating out the muscles of their hearts.

And she stops them.


	31. Chapter 31

Katara looks around at the men she has just killed. Goes to one of them – there is a scroll at his waist. She unhooks it.

It is a report from the battle field.

She dimply notices that the mongoose dragons have run away.

Frightened of the wild, beautiful woman, who stopped three men's hearts in a moment.

She reads the report.

Zuko.

Zuko is dead.

Katara screams. The sound fills up the sky, and the baby twists, and her throat seems to bleed. Then she gives another cry.

The baby is coming.

Katara sinks to the ground, silent now, body arching in pain.

This is how Mai finds her.

Somehow, in the midst of the agony, there are cool hands against her forehead.

'Katara.' It's Mai. 'Katara, stay strong. Don't die.'

'Zuko's dead.' Katara gasps it.

Mai takes the news silently. She keeps on hand on Katara's forehead, moves the other to her stomach.

'Push.'

'No. I can't.'

'Stay alive!'

'I can't! Not without him. They've won.'

'I destroyed their palace - all their chemicals.'

'But he's dead! They've won!' Then she gives another cry, as a pain laces through her.

Mai takes off her gown, leaving only her thin white shift, and lays the black expanse on the ground. She half lifts Katara onto it.

'Live for your child.'

'I can't.'

Katara shuts her eyes.

Mai slaps her. Once. Twice.

Weeks – months without light. Stale bread bound hands and a trickle of water.

Then those weeks completely alone. Abandoned.

Now he is dead. Who is to say any one else lives.

And she is tired. So tired.

And she wants her mother.

She cannot see – cannot open her eyes. Her heart – it is too heavy. With grief. The full moon above her lights her face in silver – she can feel it. Feels Mai's hand in hers.

At least she had a friend. At least she has this.

Drops of water on her face.

Mai is crying. Begging her not to die.

But she cannot live. She is too tired – too broken.

Katara dies with Zuko's name on her lips

Mai gives juddering breath. Lays Katara's limp hand by her side.

The woman has no heartbeat.

Even now, starved and filthy, she is lovely. Lovely in the pool of silver moonlight.

Mai kisses her forehead.

And she draws a knife.


	32. Chapter 32

Zuko picks himself up in the battlefield. He is surrounded by bodies. Was knocked unconscious, and another man fell on top of him.

Missing. So they presumed he was dead, when he did not lead another charge.

But he breathes.

This far flung corner of the battlefield is empty, now, and close to the forest which bars this empty plain from the Country of Flames.

There is a figure. Coming towards him.

The sun is rising, staining golden in the sky, working red veins above their heads, as Mai comes out of the trees.

She is wearing only a thin white slip.

It is covered with blood. She is covered in blood – it drips from her, smudges across her cheeks, trickles down her slender legs.

And she holds a blood soaked child in her arms.

In a daze, like a dream, Zuko sees her come towards him.

She holds the child tenderly. As though it is sacred.

Holy.

He watches her until the woman covered with blood is stood before him.

She has been crying.

He is the first to speak.

'Where is Katara?'

She does not answer.

'You betrayed us.'

'No.'

'Assassins came-'

'I know how lightly you sleep, Zuko.'

'Men died.'

'So more may live.'

He doesn't speak. His head – hurts.

He feels dazed.

'Where is Katara?'

Mai shuts her eyes.

'The High Commander is dead. The palace destroyed. The city burning. If you go back to your army now, Zuko, you might just win.'

'Where is Katara?'

This is a dream. A nightmare.

Mai shuts her eyes, as though in pain, and a crystal tear trickles down the bloody wreckage of her face.

'She is dead.'


	33. Chapter 33

Zuko walks Mai back to their camp. He does not look at her. Does not look at his child.

Sokka, Toph, Aang – they come to them. Run to them.

They ask where she is.

Zuko cannot speak. So Mai does. She tells them everything, in a low, unbroken voice, while tears make a carnage of Zuko's face.

They stand in silence.

In the pain and misery of this heartbreak moment, Toph takes Aang's hand. They stand together. Sokka shuts his watered eyes and summons the image of Suki and his new born baby to his mind. He still has them.

Zuko stands alone.

Mai clutches the child to her – the baby girl – and she repeats that promise she made to her mother's desecrated corpse, after she slit open her friends stomach and ripped the baby from her dead womb.

She promises that she will never let this child go.

Aang heals Zuko, hatred, anger forgotten.

Then they summon the troops.

And they fight again.

They win.

But victory tastes of ashes and in dust, and they go to the Fire Nation mourning Katara and their broken, beaten hearts.

They go the southern water tribe for her funeral. All of them.

Even Mai.


	34. Chapter 34

Grief stalks the long corridors of the Fire Nation palace. It hounds him – he cannot escape.

And he cannot bear to see that child – that child with Katara's eyes.

Oh he loves it – love it so much it wounds him. But the thought of the little girl's mother keeps him awake, drives him deeper into madness.

So he finally takes up the Earth King's offer. He makes Mai regent. And he goes to the Country of Flames.

Grief and guilt devour him. Almost destroy him.

But he finds a way to peace.

By the time he returns it has been half a year.

And everything has changed.

He does not meet with anyone before he once again goes to sit on the throne. Does not even speak to Mai. Does not see her.

So he is not prepared.

He walks into the already full room, as diplomats and politicians and courtiers wait to greet him.

He almost stops with shock when he sees Mai.

She is wearing bright red – bright, bright scarlet, with yellow flames across the skirt. Her hair is tied back only with a ribbon. There is a cot beside her throne.

In it.

Is his child.

'What is this?' He hisses beside her when he sits (those eyes – Katara's eyes, Katara's eyes)

Mai blinks her silver gold irises. 'Your heir.' She states it plainly. 'Kya is your legal heir.'

'Kya!'

He grasps the armrest of the throne. A brief flash of anger crosses Mai's face.

'You would have known,' she hisses 'if you had read my letters. Now stop. Everyone is staring.'

He stops.

How could she do this? What was she thinking? As though she is taking his child from him, from him and Katara…

Kya. Katara's mother.

Katara's eyes.


	35. Chapter 35

He was prepared for Mai as she was. Cold. Unapproachable.

Not Mai like this.

Still a politician – still ruthless, calculating, precise.

But she carries the child with her almost all the time.

She carries Kya.

She takes her to meetings with spies, has her beside her throne, at the dinner table with ambassadors. Zuko cannot believe the change in his wife – for she is his wife still, after the formal explanation for her actions, and her heroic deeds.

He cannot escape it.

She wears bright colours because they are interesting for the baby to look at, feeds the turtle ducks of her own accord. Speaks gently to the child, tenderly spouts the nonsense that many adults speak to children. All little pretty baby this and lovely precious Kya that.

She has become friends with Suki, who comes with her own child, and takes tea with the Fire Lady.

Mai sleeps with Kya beside her bed, changes her nappies, holds her when she wails.

And Zuko cannot bear it.

Katara is dead. She's dead.

He dreams of her. Dreams she lies beside him, kisses him. He weeps with happiness and holds her in his arms.

She asks him to do something.

For her.

Then she leaves and his heart breaks again.


	36. Chapter 36

A month has passed since he returned when he joins Mai on the balcony. She's watching the sun set, humming half a lullabye to Kya.

She stops when Zuko comes.

There is a long silence. Too long. Kya starts to mewl, quietly.

And Mai.

Speaks.

Tells him everything she should have said, very long ago, eyes fixed on the setting sun.

'I would not open up to you, Zuko, I flinched away, because when I was imprisoned my family disowned me. Once you were back in power they were very happy, uncle included, to make it possible for me to get to you as soon as possible. But in the prison.

They were no longer my family.

There was a cell filled with light. And there was a blindfold. And there were soldiers who beat me and who broke me and who raped me, Zuko, because Azula told them to. Told them to ruin and to wreck me, the girl who chose love over fear.

And I would not tell you. Because I did not want to hurt you too.

But I did hurt you. So you chose her.

And I know why. All that time in the dark with her – she was the best, the bravest, the most kind hearted person I have ever met. And she died with your name on her lips – you have to know that. She died after having fought and won. And if she had known you were alive, she would have won again, against everything they did to her. To find a way back to you.

So. Now you know. Why I couldn't have your child. Why I turned away.

Why I wouldn't drink that wretched jasmine tea.'

'I'm sorry.' He's crying – and so is she. Both of them, weeping as the sun paints them gold. 'I'm so, so sorry.'

She turns to walk away.

'Can – can I hold her?'

Mai turns again. She meets her husband's eyes. Silently she passes him the child.

Kya silences when he father takes her, holds her awkwardly, carefully, his tears wetting her face. She reaches up her hand and brushes at his cheek.

Then Mai is steadying his shaking arms, and helping him hold his daughter.

They look into her eyes – a blue beyond thought.

The sun sets, and turns them all to gold.


	37. Chapter 37

I can never be you, Katara.

I will never be as good as you – I destroyed hundreds of people without hesitating, after all.

I will never be the woman Zuko loves almost more than anything – that title, even after death, is still yours.

And I can never be your child's mother. It has your skin, your eyes – none of my blood runs in Kya's veins.

But. She is the only child I will ever have, and I promise you that I will love her more than anything on earth.

I suppose that's the real difference in the end – and a surprising one at that.

I would not have died, Katara. I would have lived. For her.

But I do not blame you – and when she grows she will not blame you, either. I will tell her how impossibly good, impossibly brave you were. I will tell her that you taught me what strength lies in compassion, what courage in kindness.

He will always love you more.

But I think he loves me too, now, now that I speak to him, and sit with him, and listen, and drink that Jasmine tea, and hold him in the darkness of the night, and kiss that burn his father gave him long ago.

And he loves Kya – loves her as much as I love her. A love beyond belief.

In the end, I think the only thing I do which you could not is live.

I don't know why.

But I know that you have made me better, and that I will love your child, and that I will care for Zuko, so that when we all meet again, one day, I can look into your eyes without shame.

Your brother has his family to fill up his grief.

And Aang has married Toph. They really love one another I think – a love grown out of friendship and understanding, deep and true and lasting. They are expecting a baby. Toph is telling everyone it's going to be an Earth Bender or else.

She hasn't quite fulfilled that threat – but Aang always looks slightly scared when she says it.

Sometimes I wonder if he looks at her the way Zuko looks at me – wishing I were you.

I cannot have children.

But I have Kya.

We are both her mothers. And you were better than me in everyway, except at living.

So I will live for her.

I can never be you, Katara. But I don't need to be.

I have her.

So.

Thank you.

Now and when I see you again, one day.

Thank you.


	38. Chapter 38

**Ok, so I was reading reviews (thank you everyone by the way) and I realised that I was actually...not unhappy with my last few chapters, but I wish I'd given them more thought. I realise this is a bit of a cop out, but this is an alternate ending to the story which, personally, I'm happier with as I felt inspired by what people has said writing it, as opposed to just trying to get the story finished! So this is an alternate ending, beginning just after Katara dies...**

* * *

Zuko picks himself up in the battlefield. He is surrounded by bodies. Was knocked unconscious, and another man fell on top of him.

Missing. So they presumed he was dead, when he did not lead another charge.

But he breathes.

This far flung corner of the battlefield is empty, now, and close to the forest which bars this empty plain from the Country of Flames.

There is a figure. Coming towards him.

The sun is rising, staining golden in the sky, working red veins above their heads, as Mai comes out of the trees.

She is wearing only a thin white slip.

It is covered with blood. She is covered in blood – it drips from her, smudges across her cheeks, trickles down her slender legs.

And she holds a blood soaked child in her arms.

In a daze, like a dream, Zuko sees her come towards him.

She holds the child tenderly. As though it is sacred.

Holy.

He watches her until the woman covered with blood is stood before him.

She has been crying.

He is the first to speak.

'Where is Katara?'

She does not answer.

'You betrayed us.'

'No.'

'Assassins came-'

'I know how lightly you sleep, Zuko.'

'Men died.'

'So more may live.'

He doesn't speak. His head – hurts.

He feels dazed.

'Where is Katara?'

Mai shuts her eyes.

'The High Commander is dead. The palace destroyed. The city burning. If you go back to your army now, Zuko, you might just win.'

'Where is Katara?'

This is a dream. A nightmare.

Mai shuts her eyes, as though in pain, and a crystal tear trickles down the bloody wreckage of her face.

'She is dead.'

Greif could swallow him up, right now. He feels it – it almost overpowers him.

But that, that scrap covered all over with blood.

That is his child.

His child.

The last fragment of Katara left on earth - the last thing of her. Of that woman with her water crystal eyes.

'Give her to me.'

He lurches forward despite himself – and then he realizes, horribly, that he is covered in blood as well. He and Mai, both soaked in other people's passing.

Mai steps back.

'You are not capable of holding her. You are not in a fit state.'

The child starts to wail.

'I am her father!'

'Only by blood!'

The cry grows louder. It fills up both their hearts, and Mai clutches the child closer to her.

He feels…

Hopeless. As though, in this one moment, he has lost it all – lost Katara, lost the war, lost his child.

Mai stands there, covered in what must be Katara's blood.

'How did she die?'

'This is not the place, Zuko.'

'Tell me how she died!'

Mai does not speak, and her eyes flicker over him.

'She was weak. The prison… She was weak and starving and drugged and had somehow fought through it all to save her child and then she found out…we thought you were dead.'

Katara.

She's dead.

Because of him.

It's only when he feels the hard soil underneath his fingers that he realizes he in kneeling on the ground, barely breathing. His daughter is screaming.

His daughter.

He stands and looks Mai in the eye.

'And where were you?'

'I was winning you a war.'

'While Katara died!'

'Yes!'

'And that's what you were doing? All along? When we heard you married the Commander, when we heard how you humiliated her…you were winning me a war?'

'You don't trust me?'

'Not with my daughter I don't.'

'Well I don't trust you with her either!'

With that she steps back further, and the baby cries louder.

'Mai. Please. Give her to me.'

He goes closer.

He knows, somehow, that she will not hurt the child.

And she doesn't. Instead, she looks at him – meets him gaze for gaze.

'You're crying.' She observes.

He ignores her. He looks at his daughter.

She's so small. She's so small and has such big blue eyes, and her hair is as dark as his, and it's very thin and stuck all over with clotting blood.

Mai's arms are bone pale around her.

She holds her like she's holy.

And he looks at Mai – really truly looks. And he sees how thin she is. And a hunted, haunted look in her eyes.

Those streaking tears have marred the bloody ruin of her face.

'Let me kiss her, then.'

The war, even Katara, everything has faded, as Mai nods. Zuko kisses his daughter's head.

She stops her screaming. She looks up at him.

Her eyes are so blue they burn.

'She's beautiful.' He whispers.

'She is.'

He meets his wife's gaze.

'This is a battlefield. Take her away. Take her back into those trees. Hide her.' He reaches to his belt and pulls out a dagger. He hands it to Mai. Then he fills his eyes once more with his daughter, and he walks away.

'Where are you going?' Mai cries after him.

He turns.

'To win a war.'

He does. He wins it for his country, for Katara, and his daughter.

When it's over he feels…contaminated. As though soaked through with other people's blood. He has not told the others.

Not yet.

They were so overjoyed to see him, alive and well, that he felt an imposter to keep it from them. But he could not run that risk – of them not being able to fight for the grief in their mouths.

And he cannot quite believe it.

He goes to find his daughter, when they've won. He's led by a lullaby.

And after all that carnage, that sudden hemorrhage of mourning, there's Mai sitting on the ground, singing his daughter to sleep.

He approaches, crouches beside her.

Mai stiffens, but lets him brush his hand against his daughter's head. She's defensive – cold, untouchable –

No.

Concealing.

It seems odd to ask this question, with his lover dead and his child before him. But he has to ask.

Because his wife is holding this child like a mother.

'What did they do to you?'

She is silent.

She is silent for so long that he thinks she will not answer, and it will be as it was before.

The baby wriggles in her sleep, and Zuko's about to suggest they go, because it's getting dark, when Mai speaks.

'With Katara? They starved us. They beat us. They took me away and they whipped me and burned me and broke my bones.' She hesitates – draws in a throat wise cut of air.

'And in the Boiling Rock there was too much light and heat and a blindfold and they raped me, Zuko, because I chose you over her and she told them to and I had disgraced my uncle so he did not care and…I could not give you children and I couldn't stand your kindness because I did not want to be weak…'

In a sudden she presses the child into his arms and there's a sudden breathless joy as he feels her, so very warm and small and living, before he looks at Mai and hears her gasping and sobbing and unable to hold the child herself for her juddering tears.

He hears her sobbing out _Katara's dead_ and he wants to cry, too.

But he doesn't.

He stands up, cradling his daughter.

He helps Mai stand.

She stops crying.

'We have to get back.' He says. She nods.

They walk.

It's when they are almost at the camp that she speaks.

'She was everything I'm not, Zuko. She was…my antithesis. My antidote. All passions and emotion and ideals.

But she couldn't live. For her daughter. She couldn't live for her.

I can. I will, Zuko. Understand that. You might be her father by blood, but I will be her mother by choice and nothing, _nothing_, is going to take her away from me, do you understand?' She walks on, jaw set. 'And we'll call her Kya.'

He wants to say sorry. But he knows that's not enough. And there is not time for everything he has to say – but he will find a way to say it. He must.

But now he must go back, and tell people about Katara.

And he must break their hearts.

But for now he has his daughter in his arms.

And the sun is setting.

His daughter has Katara's eyes.

He stops.

The grief, now, overwhelms him, shakes him, and his arms tremble – but there are hands on his. Steadying him. Holding him. They are delicate and pale as alabaster.

For one moment, the world itself is caught in balance. Darkness sweeping across to a shining sky. Light and dark hold them in a breathless, aching moment.

Mai and Zuko bend over their child, and look into her eyes.


End file.
